Jesus and Prozac

For many years I struggled with fear. You name it, I was afraid of it. As a little girl, I was afraid of shadows, the booger man, stepping on cracks. If it could be imagined, I was afraid of it. As I matured, my fears continued, growing more serious and more debilitating. In my middle twenties, there were days I didn’t want to get out of bed. I remember thinking that God must be angry with me. I felt as if no matter what I did, I couldn’t please him. Reading the Bible and claiming scripture was helpful, as was talking to the few family members and friends I trusted with my silent fears. However, I really didn’t want others to know about my crippling thoughts. On the outside, I looked like I had perfect control of my life. On the inside, I was a complete mess. Sometimes I didn’t want my life to go on. I went on like this for quite a few years. Sometimes the bouts of fear would subside and at other times, I was as fearful as ever. I kept praying, hoping and seeking help. Why the help I needed evaded me, I don’t know. Maybe I wasn’t ready to accept the help.

What I did come to realize over the years was that a lot of my fear issues stemmed from an actual illness. It was called obsessive compulsive disorder or OCD. My illness manifested itself by my excessive worry over a certain issue or subject until I found some way to relieve the stress. For instance, for months I might worry about having cancer in a certain part of my body or I might worry that I was going to say something that would be offensive to someone. I might worry constantly about the safety of my family or if I had a random thought, no matter how outrageous it was if it passed through my mind, I’d begin to worry about it. Things other people would shake off or even laugh about, would become an obsessive fear in my mind and it would dominate my thoughts. At times, my life was hellish. The only thing that kept me going was God. I knew He loved me, had a plan for me and ultimately would take these fears and worries out of my life. I believed this with every fiber of my being.

To make matters worse and to add my angst, I felt a great deal of shame with my constant fears. I felt as if I was a “bad” Christian and a failure.

One day, while at work, I decided I’d simply had enough. I couldn’t and wouldn’t continue to live this way any longer. So after years of struggling and at the age of 42, I called my husband, told him to come pick me up and asked him to take me to the doctor. Not knowing, where to begin, I went to my family doctor. When I explained to him what I’d been going through for years, he looked at me and said very simply and very matter of factly, “Jane, you have OCD.” I remember feeling an initial sense of relief because he confirmed to me I wasn’t crazy but sick. And what I had actually had a name and a treatment. But the struggle wasn’t quite over, not quite.

The doctor prescribed medication and in my case, it was Prozac and sent me home, advising me to call a counselor to help me learn to manage my symptoms. So, I did. At first, I was very resistant to taking Prozac or any type of antidepressant. I still had the nagging worry that I couldn’t be much of a Christian and live my life medicated. When I got home that day, I called a family counselor who was also a dear Christian friend. I talked over my situation with him and he asked me this: “Jane, if the doctor had told you today you were a diabetic, would you take the insulin?”

“Well, of course I would! That’s a physical illness!” I stated.

To which my counselor friend said, “And what do you think OCD is? OCD is a physical illness, too and it’s located in your brain. Take the medicine. Have you prayed for healing?” my wise friend asked.

“Yes, I have and in fact, I prayed this morning for healing.”

My friend said, “Don’t you think this may be God answering your prayer?”

I remember feeling like a light had suddenly come on in a very dark room. I took the medicine and I can promise you this, my life has never been the same. Yes, I occasionally have bouts of worry and fear but these bouts are manageable now because my brain is no longer in a state of what I call hiccups. The medicine I take controls the chemicals in my brain that caused my cycles of worry and fear.

Someone once said to me that they couldn’t believe how open I am about having OCD and being on Prozac. To which I had to say, “There is nothing Jesus and Prozac can’t handle!” You see, what Satan meant to destroy me with, God is using to bring glory to Himself!

You may be struggling with the same thing I was or it may be something different. My prayer for you is that you will turn it over to Jesus, who is the great physician. He may not heal you in the way YOU think He will or should but He will heal you. He wants you to have abundant life!

Tim Tebow: about Faith and Pigskin

Now,what could I possibly have to say about Tim Tebow? I know, I know...it would be easy for me to extol his football greatness. That's obvious. He's good, real good. And yes, I could brag on what a wonderful example he is to the world...he's very outspoken about his faith in Jesus Christ. That's really good,too. But what impresses me most about Tebow is what I hear about him when he's living his day to day, everyday life. I've been told he's not about Tim...he's about his teammates. And that's way cool. Talk is cheap and making a big show of one's faith has been exploited by many. We've all heard the tales. But what I've heard about Tim Tebow is he is the real deal. He loves God and he's unashamed of Jesus but he prove his faith as he lives in a way that few "Christians" ever seem to be able to. He puts other first. He puts ego aside. And his teammates love him.

So, no matter what your faith and maybe don't have any faith at all; Tim Tebow is a witness to something bigger than self, bigger than fame, bigger than making it to the top. Tim Tebow is a living example of the fact that God loves you.

I can't help but chuckle when I think that only God could use a young man and pigskin to point us all to a real day to day faith in a God who loves us! Oh, but wait, God used a young man and slingshot way back when, didn't He?

A Glimpse of Truth

Life is busy and yesterday was a whirlwind of a day. Went to work, shopped for groceries, shot an episode of Entertain With Jane, and then did a mountain of dishes from the shoot! Yes, I do my own dishes...I haven't gotten to the place I have an energetic little assistant cleaning up my creative messes! When I finally slowed down, I picked up my Kindle and began reading a book I'd begun the day before, "Between Heaven and Ground Zero: One Woman's Struggle for Survival and Faith in the Ashes of 9/11" by Leslie Haskin. Of all the things I did yesterday, reading this book was my one truly divine appointment. As Ms. Haskin described her journey out of the Twin Towers on September 11, 2001 and into presence of her soveriegn Lord, I felt God speaking to me. No, I wasn't in the Twin Towers that day. No, I don't know Ms. Haskin. And no, I've never experienced a trauma the magnitude of Ms. Haskin's but through her writing, God spoke to me. Why I was surprised to find Him gently prodding me closer to Him, I don't know. Time and time again, He's been faithful to do so and as I read the message of that book, the scriptures Ms. Haskin used jumped at me. Over and over again, she chose the exact same scriptures God has used in my life for many years.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Once again, He let me know...He's in control.

The Apostle Paul in book of Acts said ‘For in Him we live and move and have our being.’

As His child, made by Him and for Him, He has my destiny in His gentle hands.

It dawns on me even now...He is my destiny.

I woke up this morning to a news alert. Seems the radical terrorists are at it again. New York City is once more on full alert. Ten years ago our world changed in a way few of us ever dreamed. With the bombing of the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and the crash of Flight 93, we were ushered into an age of uncertainty. Never again will we as Americans feel cocooned in our freedom and the saftey that came with it. An age of innocence vanished when the first plane struck the tower. That someone would strike us on our own soil was unthinkable, unimaginable. I remember for days after 9/11, I listened to television and radio reports nonstop trying to grasp the reality of what had happend. As that week changed into months, and then years, I all but stopped listening for terrorist reports. It's only when I wake to a news alert like the one I heard this morning, I consider another strike against our country. Except for days like today, I grow complacent and begin to focus on my every day life.

And then there's a news report and I remember.

I remember what I wear and what I eat today are not very important. I remember to tell my husband and my children I love them. I remember to be a little nicer and more considerate to others. I remember life is not about what I've accumulated. I remember freedom isn't free. I remember...

I remember 9/11.

Another One Bites the Dust...Another 5 That Is!

Don't want to bore you to death with my new healthier lifestyle but I've lost another 5 pounds! Yeeeeee Hawwwwwwwwwwwww! I have to say I'm excited about the new, slightly slimmer me! I've got a long way to go but it sure is nice when your husband comes up to you from behind as you're cooking supper and says, "Wow, who's butt is THAT?!!!???" LOL! Even after 35 years of marriage, I was highly complimented and flattered!

The road to a healthier lifestyle is continuing to be a long and arduous journey. I must confess the hurdle of regular exercise is still tripping me up but I've recently become much more motivated to get moving. I was asked to do Sumter's local Dancing With the Stars in April and I know if I don't get moving, I'm going to be a hot mess on stage! So, that means I've got about 8 months to learn to boogie with the best of them and 8 months to train my two left feet to dance. The joke around here is that Baptists (I'm one) don't dance (I think it's considered a mortal sin). Well, look out Baptists, Moma's got a brand new pair of dancin shoes!

Recently, it dawned on me that healthy eating is all about making good choices (as is most of life). I've learned I can be just as happy and satisfied with a nice, plump, juicy piece of fruit as I used to be with a handful of cookies. I've also learned that water tastes much better than a diet soda and is totally guilt free! I can just see those cholesterol blobs being flushed out of my system as I drink a tall glass of water on the rocks! Sometimes I make myself feel all fancy as I drink my water with a slice of lemon, lime or a sprig of mint in a tall stemmed glass. (I like pretty things!).

"Every meal's a party when you Entertain With Jane!" even if you're eating healthy. I'll be posting some new recipes soon so stay tuned! And remember...

"The opera isn't over til the fat lady sings!" or in my case, "Party on! Just dance more than you eat!"

The Party's Over Revisited

Wow! I can't believe it's been over 7 weeks since I wrote "The Party's Over". As I was reflecting on my new lifestyle and commitment to lowering my cholesterol, I honestly thought I'd only been "on the wagon" for about 4 weeks. Time sure flies when you're having fun!

First of all, let me give you my progress in numbers: I've actually lost 10 lbs. and while, that's not a lot of weight loss, it does give me hope that I'm doing the right things to bring down my cholesterol. I haven't been starving myself but I've changed the way I eat, what I eat and how I think about eating. Here's what I'm doing:

1. Whole grain foods - you'll be surprised at how tasty whole grain pasta is!

2. Fruit and fresh veggies - try using them in ways you don't normally use them...like fruit in a green salad.

3. X OUT WHITE foods - things like potatoes, rice, pasta, and breads. I'm not saying I never eat white but I'm eating at least 90% less of these weight producing foods.

4. Water - sometimes I'm not really hungry but thirsty. Staying hydrated is very important. I find that a belly full of good ole water is better than a belly full of nothing.

5. Diet Colas - have been drastically cut. Instead of allowing these drinks to be a staple, I now use them as a treat.

6. Olive Oil - cook with olive oil rather than other types of oils and I'm not using of real butter or margarine. I'm using Smart Balance with olive oil.

7. Meat - I'm eating more fish and chicken and less red meat.

All my habits haven't changed, though. What I haven't started doing regularly is exercising. I know I've got to start moving more. In fact, I have started doing my own housework now. From what I read, vacuming, dusting, sweeping and mopping are actually good exercise. And yes, I know keeping my house clean isn't enough to qualify for an exercise program! So, this week as I go on vacation, I plan to start walking every day. I'll let you know how it goes.

Incidently, I've been picking up some great little tricks to keep myself in line. One is to imagine my arteries being all clogged up with yellow blobs of fat. Everytime I start to eat something processed or with a lot of saturated fat in it, a vision of my sticky, gooey arteries with the blood desperately trying to get through that clogged mess comes to my mind. (My daughter told me today that she used this same basic trick when she was tempted to smoke while pregant. She simply envision her womb filling up with smoke and her little baby trying to take a good breath.) Both images are pretty awful but very effective. Perhaps the most effective trick I've learned is to not allow myself to obsess about my weight and size. I'm me...thin or fat and I've got to love myself no matter what. Self loathing simply makes me feel more desperate and sets me up to eat for emotional reasons.

And lastly, I've come to realize this has got to become a life long lifestyle change. That's why I've refused to join this group or that, this gym or that gym or rely on diel aids.

Didn't mean to unload on you but maybe this will help you in your journey. Love you all fat or thin! Jane

I Went on Vacation and I Conquered a Beast!

My husband and I just got back from a short vacation on Hilton Head Island. My sister has lived there for about 25 years and it's become one of my favorite places in the whole wide world...I think my sister living there has a lot to do with it but that's not the story here.

Any of you who are following my journey know that about three weeks ago I made a commitment to eat healthy and get healthy. Typically, vacations are a prime time for me to lose most of my will power and abandon my usual, somewhat, good senses. I mean, what is vacation for except to do and eat anything your little heart desires? I love to eat out especially during vacation time and I usually order whatever strikes my fancy regardless of fat content, calorie count or even price. My last visit to Hilton Head was back in the late winter when I was cyber stalking one of my foodie heros, Robert Irvine. He has a wonderful restaurant on Hilton Head called "Eat!" and even has cooking classes for those of us who long to learn, dine, and bask in a little culture for a few short hours. During the class, the chef and his entourage ply you with plenty of culinary wisdom, delicious food and yes, even wine. It's great fun and I highly recommend it to even a novice cook. It's an early afternoon well worth the price, which is, in my opinion, extremely reasonable. But I decided to forgo my usual pilgrimage to "Eat!" this trip and while I was very tempted to "dine with Robert" once again, I decided I'd try my new, healthy culinary skills on my sister and her husband. We started off the weekend with my lowfat version of chicken piccata along with a scrumptious blueberry feta spring salad. One night we enjoyed a splurge of steak along with my very special red potato salad which is mixed with not simply high fat, high calorie mayo but a mixture of 1/3 light mayo, 1/3 lowfat yogurt and 1/3 light sour cream. My triumph of the evening was to only eat a palm sized portion of steak. And so the weekend began and continued past July 4th. I found myself on the beach one day at lunch time not having prepared for the beastly hunger that would attack me about lunch time and yes, I did have one of those packs of cheese crackers laden with saturated fat but that was my one slip of the weekend. Since I did it knowingly, I didn't castigate myself for the processed, caloric snack, I simply went on about my day changing my eating habits one step at a time.

As Dearld and I drove home this morning, I found myself musing over the long weekend and realized I had, indeed, conquered the beast named, "Vacation Temptation". He or dare I say, she, was conquered one healthy meal, one temptation, and one choice at a time.

Just call me "Jane, the Junk Food Dragon Slayer!"

Oh and yes, even when cooking healthier, "Every meal's a party when you Entertain with Jane!" I'm learning good food doesn't have to clog your arteries or pad your thighs!