On death and dying...

I never thought I’d come to the place in life where I’d think so much about death. As the years go by, death becomes more and more real. I don’t mean that I dwell on dying more…I’m just reminded more and more often that death is a reality. Even ten years ago, in my middle 40’s, I was reminded on many occasions of death but here I am ten years later and it’s very real to me. Until my precious Mama (my grandmother) died last year at the beautiful age of 97, I had the idea that people live long lives. But in reality some do and some don’t. Over the past several years I’ve lost family and friends who I had assumed would be in my life until the end or almost the end. And I miss them. I miss my nephew, Nick who was just 20 when he died. I miss seeing his big gentle self coming through the door at family dinners. I miss his slightly Yankee accent and the way he never got in a hurry. I miss my grandmother, Essie. I miss the way she smelled (like Estee Lauder Youth Dew) and I miss the way her house smelled. I know it may sound strange but sometimes when I walk into my own home, it smells like her house. Honestly, sometimes I even smell her and I wonder if she’s nearby. It comforts me and saddens me at the same time. I also miss my father in law. I miss hearing my husband on the phone talking to his dad about the Gamecocks or a certain politician. I miss his wisdom and his sense of humor and how he appreciated my cooking! I miss my other grandparents, too. I also miss my friends, Eddie and Mike. Eddie and Mike were fellow friends and members of our church. Eddie couldn’t sing a lick but loved to sing out to God in praise with his hands lifted high. I miss hearing him call me “darlin”. And Sunday’s weren’t complete without a big old sloppy kiss from Mike. Sunday’s will never be complete again. And as the years continue to go by, I know I will miss others. Life has changed over the past few years. It seems like it’s going by faster and faster. It seems like I long more and more for eternity and yet, I find myself grasping to experience everything I can here. I look at my children and grandchildren wondering where the years have gone. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and turn to see my husband lying beside me and I think, “who is that gray haired man beside me? I look at him and realize we’re on a time table and what has been so taken for granted for so long is transient. I don’t like these thoughts and feelings. I’m the type of person who wants to be positive. But is thinking about death really negative? Somehow, I think it would be foolish to not ever think about or ponder death. After all…death is the one reality from which we cannot escape. And it’s in thinking of death that carry my thoughts to God… Jesus put it this way, 1“ Do not let your heart be troubled; [believe in God, believe also in Me. 2 In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. 3 If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also. 4 And you know the way where I am going.” 5 Thomas *said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, how do we know the way?” 6 Jesus *said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me. John 14:1-6